have yourself a merry little christmas.

So, the Christmas (holiday if you want to be PC) season is upon us once again. This time of year I enjoy being inundated with holiday commercials, tunes and decorations. You can't help but feel a little itty bitty touch of magic in the air. People kinda have a bounce in their step. Well, some people.
As the weather gets colder, and the season more stressful I have begun to notice more and more angry couples whisper fighting. It is the oddest thing. Walking down the street, bumping along the subway, hailing a cab... etc. It is always the same scenario, just the setting is different. The girl is usually walking briskly ahead of a frustrated/down trodden boy. (It was probably his fault anyway). When they arrive at the crosswalk, the whisper/mumble fight is commenced, yet if you weren't paying close attention, it would look like they weren't even talking at all. The girl is angrily staring straight ahead, shaking her head erratically while the boy is whispering over her shoulder in a desperate attempt to get her to at least look at him. Then, in an extremely awkward, socially inappropriate, very public area, the girl will spin around to face boy and start finger pointing and gesticulating aggressively at his chest or head. Boy stands there, leaning slightly forward as if to say, "Please stop admonishing me in front of all of NY. I'm really embarrassed but too chicken to say so..." with a pitiful look on his face. At this point, I am so sick of trying to piece together this whisper fight, I walk off, wondering how it was resolved or what they were even fighting about in the first place.
I mean, c'mon people, it is Christmas. Lighten up. I understand you are EXTREMELY busy/stressed out/stretched too thin or whatever, but I am sure the nothing fight you were just having outside of Starbucks on 84th Street wasn't that important. But, I have to thank these people because it reinforces my belief that my life is not that hard. I could be Girl, whisper screaming at Boy because he brought home the California Roll instead of the Spicy Tuna and he KNOWS that she likes Spicy Tuna rolls on Wednesday nights!

and i was like baby baby baby oh.

Dear Justin Beiber,

I don't know much about you. I don't know how old you are, where you come from, how you got here... etc. I know I could Google your name and get about 69 trillion websites devoted to you. But I would like to get to know you the old fashioned way. You know, coffee (can you even drink coffee yet?). Maybe, like, a walk in the park and ice cream or something. I don't know... I don't want to hold hands or anything. It just seems like you need someone to talk to.

I am writing to you because I just listened to your song "Baby" featuring Ludacris and I just wanted to tell you that you don't need to worry your beautifully combed head. You are young. And I know that girls are bitches, but you don't have to get off the horse just yet. I mean, your voice hasn't even changed yet. Chicks totally dig that stuff. It just seems that you aren't very good at finding girls that will respect what a sensitive soul you are. I mean, you had an Eenie Meenie Miny Mo lover, a Lonely Girl, and you basically begged a girl to pick you. I mean, I just think you need some guidance.

Justin, chin up. You have many more years of heartbreak. But at least every heart wrenching moment of yours scores like a million dollars in your bank account. So, keep on keepin' on.

And if you want to talk or get ice cream or whatever, hit me up on Twitter: JustinBeiberLVR69

Yours,

Kat

these are a few things that i'd like to know.

me.

1. if it was my choice, i would cancel the months of november and february.
2. i HATE clowns. and machinery underwater. it gives me a panic attack to think about falling into the jungle cruise around the hippo part. if i did, don't rescue me. i wouldn't want to live through that.
3. i also have a fear of sharks, needles, self inflicted pain and most recently real live snakes.
4. i could live on chips, coffee, peanut butter and beer alone... oh wait, i do.
5. i think cats and horses are weird. i don't trust them.
6. one time i had a competition w. heather in 10th grade: who could wear their jeans the most number of days in a row without having someone notice. there was no winner.
7. i was the only girl on a football team once. i played left tackle/right guard. i gave a boy a bloody nose.
8. once i woke up in the middle of a surgery and punched the doctor.
9. when i travel anywhere alone i fake a british accent because people treat you nicer.
10. my last meal would consist of an arnold palmer half and half, a double turkey cheeseburger and sweet potato fries.
11. i never wear socks.
12. mary martin in peter pan changed my life.
13. i wish i could have gone to college for 8 years cause i love to learn. seriously.
14. one day, i will marry joey fatone.
15. one time i drank mouth wash and barfed for days. don't try it.
16. my middle name is diane.
17. i want to be a graphic designer for prescription drugs. it looks so easy.
18. ultimately i want to end up in a beach house on the cape.
19. i have the best friends in the world. and i'll fight you on that.
20. i love kids the most cause they say the best things ever.
21. i like to make up words and use them IRL.
22. i sing in the shower when my roommates aren't around because we have great acoustics.
23. i really want to go to africa. i don't know if i have the guts.
24. the smell of gasoline is my favorite. no lie.
25. i think my sister is the best thing that ever happened to me. she is the best girl.

dudez.

1. brown hair | black hair | blonde hair | red hair

2. tall | short | same height as you

3. ear piercings | eyebrow piercings | snake bites | no piercings | other

4. tattoos | no tattoos | idgaf

5. skater | punk | player | indie | cowboy | musician | prep | jock | other

6. shy | outgoing | in between

7. mellow | hyper | loud | quiet

8. blue eyes | brown eyes | green eyes

9. wears tight jeans | wears normal jeans | other

10. converse | vans | nikes | skate shoes | other

11. listens to: metal | rap | indie | classic rock | country | all | other

12. compliments too much | compliments when necessary

13. jokes around all the time | jokes when necessary

14. sensitive | hides emotion | acts tough

15. hobbies: computer | music | skating | sports | drawing | fishing | other

16. loves to hold | loves to be held

17. tons of muscles | fit | skinny | chubby

18. pale | average | tan | dark

19. cusses a lot | never cusses | moderately cusses | only cusses around friends | who even gives a fuck

20. wavy hair | curly hair | straight hair | long hair | longish hair | short hair

we are all, all of us, in the gutter. but some of us are just looking at the stars.

Lately I have found that I have no free time on my hands. I am in the middle of a move on top of a 12 hour work day. I know, what am I complaining about?

But, I am used to being satiated and unemployed. So this is quite odd.

The downside to this madness is that I really don't have a lot of time to peruse the internet. I am behind on my tweets, constantly have 69 notifications on FB (I know, so popular) and 27 Google Buzzes a day. I can't keep track of people telling me how cool I am or sharing cool stuff with me or stalking. Because of this, I am always constantly a few steps behind other people's news. I also am wicked slow on finding out about the new cool blogs and shit. This pisses me off because, on days like today, when I have 2 hours where I should be packing or something, I am fucking fixated on the following websites:

thelovelybones.tumblr.com (currently on pg 34)

tiresome.tumblr.com

gotwisdom.tumblr.com

Basically, I sit here for 2-4 hours and look at how much cooler other people are. It is absolutely addicting for me. I look at these pictures and these quotes and wonder what the fuck I have to do to be that super. I mean it. If I took pictures at all, they would NEVER look like anything resembling anything. Sometimes I take pictures of people's butt cracks. That's about it.

But I sit here.

Hour after hour.

And stare longingly at these erotic pictures of Polly Pockets and wish.

let's make some music, make some money, have some models for wives

I was conversing with my roommate Jon last night about what I wanted/am going to be when I grow up. Grown up thoughts have been plaguing me these days. I think because my taxes are due and I actually have a real job. And I have been paying bills on time.

Regardless.

Jon and I were discussing grown up thoughts about futures. I told him that I want to be a fierce single mom with a outcast son with some odd name who will probably end up resenting me for my inevitable lack of cool. I want to "dedicate myself to my work" and when I tell people that I do, in fact, do that, I want to mean it. Whatever that work is. I am going to dedicate myself to it. And my outcast son. Jon added in a partner to the mix that enjoys the same past times/passions as me but is involved purely on a marriage of convenience. I think that has some strong pros.

breakin' up is hard enough

I recently went through a break up. As vague as that sounds, it is truthful. It was recent and it was a break up of a relationship. Very mutual. And ended as well as any ending of a relationship can end.

But, this is my first relationship and my first breakup. Naturally, I am no good at this. It's a very drawn on process. There is that awkward conversation you have with your sister, mom and close buddies where they listen to you go on and on about how okay you are and blah blah blah. And it happens over and over, and after a while, you kinda believe it.

There is also the memorabilia you accumulate over the course of however long you were together. Pictures, tshirts, inside jokes, notes, the list goes on. What do you do with those things? Do you put them in a box and keep them for the rest of your life? Does that make you a hoarder? Or do you throw them out and c'est le vie?

Lastly, there are the possessions left behind. Specifically theirs. I could care less about the black tank top from forever 21 or whatever. But, staring at your socks on my floor is getting really heartbreaking. They smile up at you like, remember when these came off? HA! And now they are there. You can't just throw out socks, people need those. It's winter. So, he might want them back. Which provides another problem... how? Do I send them Fed Ex style with a little note like "Here are your socks back"? Do I actually throw them out into the garbage or donate them to the Salvation Army? They are socks for God's sake but I am baffled. I honestly don't know what to do with them.

So, they sit there, smiling up at me.

Maybe I will hide them under my bed and hope they shut up.

baby are you down?

I am ashamed to say that it has been over six months since I last updated. I am sure the 5 readers that follow me/read this are super stoked to find a 2010 date at the top of this thing. It is impossible to sum up six months of a life to catch people up. I hate being asked, so, what have you been up to? How can I possibly answer that question in 30 seconds? Do I give a month by month analysis of my life sans the gory details?

"Well, in June, I started camp..." etc etc.

I usually just answer, "Oh, just livin' life!" It is the most simple, avoidance based answer. It is truthful and to the point. I mean, honestly, I am living life. I am just not telling you what my life entails. It's not wrong of me to shield you from the boring details of my job, love life, hobbies and everything in between. I am doing you a favor. I don't really think that you should have to suffer through a 15 minute description of my latest wrestling match with a half naked autistic 8 year old. (I am speaking of my job here, not my hobbies or love life). (Although if you ask my roommates they might say that would be a perfect description of my love life as well).

So, I have been living life. That's pretty much it. If you are extra super curious folk, and want to know more. Please forward any and all specific questions to my Twitter or Facebook accounts which are currently acting as my agents.

i want everything with you.

Update: SUBBING AT CHARTER SCHOOLS FOR FIRE MONSTERS WITH CURSING PROBLEMS.

TUTORING MY FACE OFF AT NIGHT.

OASIS ORIENTATION FOR THE NEXT MILLION WEEKENDS OF MY JUNE.

ONLY 8 HOURS OF MY DAYS ARE NOT SPENT WITH CHILDREN.

Funny story time!

Steve, Di, Lu, Jones and Will dropped by Saturday night to come spend quality friendship time with me having pizza and beers in Williamsburg. We went to Charleston and it was surprisingly quiet for a Sat. night. We ran into some peeps we knew. Steve took us on a 5 mile journey to find "Barry" on Berry St. We never got there because when Steve says Berry it sounds like Barry and because of this we traipsed all over Brooklyn searching for Barry in a direction that was nowhere near where we were. Jones jumped a fence to pee and cut his hands up pretty badly. Di made him hold a tampon in his hand to soak up the blood. I had to pee too, but unfortunately I did not have the luxury of being a dude so I held it for probably two hours straight. There was a point, while perched on a trash can, where I was seriously considering letting it out. But I am a lady and ladies don't pee in cans. I waited until we got off of the subway, where a nice gentleman offered me a cup, and ran into a Spanish bar and waited for what seemed like hours with a bunch of men "accidentally" touching my butt. When finally I crawled into the bathroom over mounds of paper towels, I went for like, 2 straight minutes. It was the longest, most satisfying pee ever. We went back to my apartment, Lu fell asleep on the couch while I helped Jones clean the cuts on his hands. Poor guy. Then, goodbye time.
As I was saying goodbye, finally with the guts to make some sort of definite move, leaning in, taking a breath to say something, anything... my earring catches his hand and flies off under a car. Moment ruined.
If someone was filming it, I would use it as a film clip to perfectly describe me and my life.
Scenario: Hey, Kat. Nice to meet you. So, what are you all about?
(I silently play the clip of that moment with whatever video device is around)
Oh, k.

facebook fad equals notification bad

I love how Facebook has become increasingly detailed.  Despite the fact that I cannot find friend requests and events I have been invited to, I love being kept extremely up to date on what everyone in my network is up to. For example: I just found out that Rachel Phaneuf is Esme Cullen from Twilight via "Which Twilight Character Are You?" app... First of all, who is that girl? Second, I totally thought she was more of a Rosalie, but obviously Facebook has the upper hand.

But I do love knowing about every little thing someone touches on that thing.  It's fascinating. 

So now I present to you the top 3 Facebook Things I Hate To Love.

3. Quizzes

I hate how many fucking times my news feed is overwhelmed by stupid quizzes from people I friended in 2004.  Megan, my roommate, has specifically voiced her opinions about quizzes to the masses with a status.  Ironically, the biggest perpetrator not only "liked" the status but commented, "I KNOW GIRRR... RIGHT?!" She had no idea that by taking the "Which David Bowie Persona Are You?" that poor Meg would have to scroll by it a million fucking times.  But, I love knowing that people take time out of their day to share that with me. 

2. Liking 

This is probably the funniest thing to happen to Facebook in recent months. I recently posted lyrics to a song and a buddy from way back "liked" my status.  I was flattered. But, what does it mean? Simply... you like whatever was posted, said, or shown.  "Kat Murphy likes this" is another way of commenting.  I can like that you posted a picture of someone deep throating a beer bottle because it's funny.  I can like that you quoted Dane Cook in your status.  Because I do, I like those things.  And I am going to let you know.  It is way easier than commenting "LOL girl. tht pic is whack." I just let you know that I like it.  Otherwise, I would have liked it silently.  On the other hand, as someone who has had things liked,  I don't think the word "like" describes the emotions that you feel as both the liker and the likee.  One question remains, where is not like?

1. Pages

WTF is pages?  I am pages with Boo from Monster's Inc, Topo Gigio, Bonfires, BBQs, Apple Students and The Old Man in the Mountain.  I have a friend who is pages with Walls.  I ask again WTF?! They are the stupidest/most fun thing to ever hit Facebook.  I love getting a notification that Jon has become pages with Hugs. You know you can become pages with Facebook? So, your Facebook page is pages with Facebook??? LOLWUT? Congrats Facebook.

There you go, the Top 3 Hate to Love Facebook Apps.  Go ahead, love them, no shame. Just know that I am watching you via Facebook News Feed. 

silent night, holy night.

We live in a generally quiet neighborhood.  During the day, there are people milling about.  Lots of strollers, people with dogs, etc.   There might be one or two cars that fly by to which we scream "This is a neighborhood" whilst shaking our fists in protest.  Oh, and one lady who lives directly across from us that never should have been a mother because her favorite past time is beating the hell out of her daughter with a flip flop and cursing.  But, I stand by the fact that it is generally quiet... during the day.

At night, however, there is a symphony of outrageous sounds. We have the typical sirens (both police and fire/emergency) and the pumping of reggaeton jams with basses that shake your bed.  Always some sort of large, hissing truck that picks up one garbage can and goes off into the night.  Just one!  There is usually some sort of domestic disturbance.  (Apparently if your husband turns off the tv while you are watching it, it is okay to alert the entire block.) I chalk these sounds up to normal city sounds.  There is one noise however, that defies all logic.

The previous summer we began to hear what is either a little child having night terrors, whining "noooooo" and crying, a girl who is having the time of her life while her boyfriend is going to town on her or a severely disturbed cat wandering the alleys.  We couldn't figure it out.  And it seemed to be coming from every direction.  

We were watching tv recently and heard it again.  With the weather getting nice and all it seemed logical it would begin again.  Unfortunately, this sound is not only very creepy, it is also intermittent and unpredictable.  Just as you are falling off to blissful slumber... "nooooooo.....nooooooo" begins.  And then it will stop for 20 minutes.... "noooooo".  It is mind numbing to lay there drifting in and out of consciousness wondering what the hell is lurking outside of your house.  

My question is, how will I ever know?  Dare I search the darkness for this stray cat?  Or peak voyeuristically into windows to see which lady neighbor is doing the kind of hug that makes babies? Or do I call all the parents on the block and tell their kids to shut up? Am I doomed to restless summer sleep? 

Does anyone know a good psychotherapist?