In honor of how much my life should be a novel... a Valentine's Day story... that is true and happened to me. (names changed for privacy)
Blind Date: A Love Story
by Kat
We planned to meet at this rotating cube in Astor Place (by NYU) in the Village which is a really hip part of NYC at 8:30. I showed up at like 8:40. Not only were the subways slow, but I wanted to make him sweat a little. When I got there, he was not there. I stood there for a little while looking cool and collected. But inside I was bugging out. I don't do this kind of stuff. The whole boy/girl thing. I am not good at social interaction with a dude, unless he is A) gay or B) my friend already.
I was shaking and I had severe dry mouth. So, then I see this guy in really baggy jeans, and a huge puffy ghetto coat and a VERY VERY VERY long ponytail. And I immediately A) knew it was him and B) wanted to run away. He didn't see me yet, so I saw him pick up his phone (which was a pink razor????) and call me. We met and he gave me flowers which was very cute but didn't do anything for me because he looked like a witch.
Me: So, what are we doing?
Dude: Well, I got mugged yesterday so all my plans are out the window!
Me: Oh... my gosh... did they get your money?
Dude: Yeah, about 200 bucks. I just hope they don't use it for crack.
Me: Yeah.... (trying to joke) Or something harder like POT!
Dude: I don't even consider pot a drug.
Me: haha?
Dude: (he begins to talk about drugs and i am not really listening because i am starving and i don't know where we are going).
Me: Where are we headed?
Dude: Do you want to just get a drink?
Me: Sure.... (even though i am starving)
So we go into this loud bar. He orders me a drink (blue moon w. an orange) and we sit down.
Me: I hope those crack heads are apprehended.
Dude: Yeah, I think I know them though. From back when I did drugs...
Me: WHAT.
Dude: Yeah, basically I have done every drug except for crack and heroin.
Me: You've done meth....?
Dude: Well, you know Long Island cocaine... you never know what it is cut with...
Me: (silence). So... what do you do when you are not being a nanny?
Dude: Um, I watch a lot of movies and I play D&D.
Me: Like Dungeons and Dragons? With dice?
Dude: Yeah, every Saturday we spend half of the day on D&D and the other half on a game called Vampires.
Me: Wow.
Dude: But we only roll the dice about 2 times. We are more of an improv theatre kind of D&D.
Me: (I LAUGH IN HIS FACE) I am sorry. I didn't think people outside of high school played D&D anymore.
Dude: I am the youngest in my troupe.
Me: Oh.
Dude: And on Mondays I host at my apartment.
Me: What are you like a Level 5 dungeon master? (I am laughing to keep from crying)
Dude: Dungeon masters don't have levels.
Me:....(MY B!)
He proceeds to explain to me that he is afraid of cars because when he was 14 he crashed his car into his elementary school. He doesn't like televised sports or sports in general. He doesn't like going to theatre and the only show he has ever seen is Phantom. He took two "breaks from our date" to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited inside praying that it would just end. I was buzzed from an empty stomach and beer.
At the end of his last cigarette break he comes back into the bar to tell me his friend Curtis is coming to meet us. I politely told him I needed to get home because it was late and the trains were slow. I thanked him for a good time and said goodbye at the subway. That night he texted me that he would like to see me again. I pretended I was asleep and finished watching South Pacific on the couch and ate kettlecorn.
The end.
